So, we are still TTC, and this has been quite the unexpected journey for me and us. I haven't posted in over a year on this really due to time and forgetfulness. But I'm going to TRY to be more faithful to blogging....key word being 'try'.
April was our 5th month on clomid, first dose at 100mg. We barely got one good mature follicle, but even with that, the ultrasound after ovulation wasn't too promising. Based on what the u/s tech saw, there was a 50% chance the egg even made it out of the follicle. (Sorry if this is TMI). So, we waited. I was excited at the possibilities, but mainly because I now knew things I didn't before. Hoping, praying for good results and outcome of being pregnant...again...finally. But, not only was I not pregnant, my cycle was 1-2 days LATER than it has been. I HATE waiting! The one thing I'm the worst at is waiting. I know many don't like it really, some are just more patient than others. I'm a gal with little patience, though through this 1.5 year journey, I'm sure the Lord is teaching me a little something about patience and waiting. The positive about this past month's cycle is seeing that even 100mg isn't enough and the u/s tech is recommending going straight to the highest dose to push to get as many "mature follicles" as possible. So, there are good things that have happened, even if pregnancy wasn't one of them just yet.
So last night as I'm getting ready for bed, I had this little conversation with the Lord,
"OK, I don't like this, I don't know why you added another entire day to wait right now, but I've/we've been through a lot this year in this baby journey, and I've been waiting over 1.5 years and if this is what I have to go through to get another blessing...I'll do it. I don't like it, but I'll do it. I've been waiting this long, I'll keep waiting. He/she will be worth it, just like Ezra was."
No one ever expects to be on this sit and wait for a baby journey, but it happens...a lot! God HAS been faithful and He HAS been good, so our journey continues on...and we'll just keep doing what we do and see what the Lord does.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Tough Day
Today is a tough day. My uncle Norman suffered a heart attack last Thursday March 3rd, 2011. He was put in a medically induced coma, and paralytic. Last weekend the sedation and paralytic were stopped, but my uncle never woke up. Due to the heart attack, and lack of oxygen to the heart and brain; my uncle suffered significant brain damage.
We have been at the hospital, camped out and created what we referred to as "the compound" in the waiting room. We literally took over. We've eaten numerous amounts of pizza this week, many crock pot meals and LOTS of snacks thanks to many friends and family. I think I've gained about 5 lbs during this past week....that's not cool.
With all the tests, 3 EEG's that kept getting progressively worse; my aunt Lori had to make the hardest decision of her life, and decided to cease any and all medical attention and intervention. This will be taking place this afternoon at some point. Norman will be so missed. He leaves behind a wife, Lori, daughter Adrianna, and son Dylan. He is/was 49 years young.
Today is a tough day.
We have been at the hospital, camped out and created what we referred to as "the compound" in the waiting room. We literally took over. We've eaten numerous amounts of pizza this week, many crock pot meals and LOTS of snacks thanks to many friends and family. I think I've gained about 5 lbs during this past week....that's not cool.
With all the tests, 3 EEG's that kept getting progressively worse; my aunt Lori had to make the hardest decision of her life, and decided to cease any and all medical attention and intervention. This will be taking place this afternoon at some point. Norman will be so missed. He leaves behind a wife, Lori, daughter Adrianna, and son Dylan. He is/was 49 years young.
Today is a tough day.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
TTC #2, one of many TTC posts
*WARNING* TMI for some in the following post, don't continue if you don't want to know.
The facts:
I am still nursing a nearly 21 month old toddler.
Ezra nurses between 15-30 min first thing in the morning, about 10-15 min before nap time and roughly 15-20 before bed time.
I am healthy and everything is "normal" that should be when trying to conceive.
We have been TTC going on 6 months now and it's frustrating!
I don't know what it's like to struggle for years when trying to conceive, as we conceived Ezra on the first try! Hence the frustration that is building when we are on month six TTC #2! I do NOT understand this!?! I know that nursing can prevent pregnancy, but Ezra doesn't nurse enough for that, I don't think anyways. I have charted for 4 months, and stopped this past month as I was getting obsessive about it and felt that charting itself was becoming a source of "stress" for me and not helping the situation. But even on the months I charted, when all systems were go in that I had an obvious thermal shift along with other tell-tale signs of pending ovulation. Not to mention I get "ovulation pain" every month, so that is a major sign for me. But there was NO + pregnancy in those months. Timing was perfect on everything and I'd think "no way we can't NOT be pregnant", but sure enough I'd get a not so fun visitor for a week.
On top of all that, my cycles went bazerko and were 34 days for quite some time, then we start charting and over a 4 month period of time my cycle started 2 days earlier than the previous month. HUH???? I was/am so confused! I don't understand!?! I thought,
"OK, my cycle is just regulating itself back to 28 days as it was before I had Ezra."
NOT!
28 days come and pass. Day 29, 30, 31 - meanwhile I've taken four pregnancy tests in this time, and all were negative. I thought, it's either really negative or a false negative. REALLY hoping it was a false negative. Day 32 almost goes by, until....yep, you guessed it, the big AF made her appearance. I start thinking there is a problem here with me or is it Nathan, is it due to my nursing, should I wean Ezra to 2 times a day even as short as they are....what is the deal!?!
I don't know what the deal is, but we will just keep trying, and praying. It's that waiting game that I just can not stand! I think I have decided to not chart again this month AND I'm not buying any pregnancy tests. It just gets my hopes up, even when I try to be realistic, and honestly if a month plus goes by with no "visitor", then we'll go from there.
Anyone else that's nursed a toddler while TTC have any thoughts or advice, I'd LOVE to hear from you!
The facts:
I am still nursing a nearly 21 month old toddler.
Ezra nurses between 15-30 min first thing in the morning, about 10-15 min before nap time and roughly 15-20 before bed time.
I am healthy and everything is "normal" that should be when trying to conceive.
We have been TTC going on 6 months now and it's frustrating!
I don't know what it's like to struggle for years when trying to conceive, as we conceived Ezra on the first try! Hence the frustration that is building when we are on month six TTC #2! I do NOT understand this!?! I know that nursing can prevent pregnancy, but Ezra doesn't nurse enough for that, I don't think anyways. I have charted for 4 months, and stopped this past month as I was getting obsessive about it and felt that charting itself was becoming a source of "stress" for me and not helping the situation. But even on the months I charted, when all systems were go in that I had an obvious thermal shift along with other tell-tale signs of pending ovulation. Not to mention I get "ovulation pain" every month, so that is a major sign for me. But there was NO + pregnancy in those months. Timing was perfect on everything and I'd think "no way we can't NOT be pregnant", but sure enough I'd get a not so fun visitor for a week.
On top of all that, my cycles went bazerko and were 34 days for quite some time, then we start charting and over a 4 month period of time my cycle started 2 days earlier than the previous month. HUH???? I was/am so confused! I don't understand!?! I thought,
"OK, my cycle is just regulating itself back to 28 days as it was before I had Ezra."
NOT!
28 days come and pass. Day 29, 30, 31 - meanwhile I've taken four pregnancy tests in this time, and all were negative. I thought, it's either really negative or a false negative. REALLY hoping it was a false negative. Day 32 almost goes by, until....yep, you guessed it, the big AF made her appearance. I start thinking there is a problem here with me or is it Nathan, is it due to my nursing, should I wean Ezra to 2 times a day even as short as they are....what is the deal!?!
I don't know what the deal is, but we will just keep trying, and praying. It's that waiting game that I just can not stand! I think I have decided to not chart again this month AND I'm not buying any pregnancy tests. It just gets my hopes up, even when I try to be realistic, and honestly if a month plus goes by with no "visitor", then we'll go from there.
Anyone else that's nursed a toddler while TTC have any thoughts or advice, I'd LOVE to hear from you!
The Night time saga
So....a little over a week ago we began putting Ezra in his own bed, own room, learning to sleep on his own. It's not going well. I know a thousand mama's, daddy's and kiddo's have gone through this, but I have to be honest, I didn't think we'd be one of 'em. 21 months ago there was no way could I let MY child just cry it out, he'd never forgive me, yada, yada, yada.
Fast forward to today and I find myself in the very position I said I'd never be in. Many tears have been/are being shed between Ezra and myself. Why must this be so difficult?
My fears were/are:
*He'll remember this and become distant emotionally from me and generally speaking.
*He'll never forgive me
*He won't actually go to sleep and cry endlessly
My best friend Julie sent me an amazing facebook message that really helped me amidst night #5's trials. She said "...rest assured my friend, you are not breaking his spirit, or communicating that you won't be there for him. You are there for him all day, he is learning the discipline of bed time...no damage done. He will learn, but I know that doesn't decrease the pain you feel going through this!"
How wise she was in this. Those words have given me peace off and on since then. But today...OH today...it was bad. Let's just say there was crying off/on for 3 hours, no nap and a trashed room. I am emotionally spent! So much so that I'm going to have to finish this at a later time. I am finding it hard to concentrate, and really just need some sleep. Good Night.
Fast forward to today and I find myself in the very position I said I'd never be in. Many tears have been/are being shed between Ezra and myself. Why must this be so difficult?
My fears were/are:
*He'll remember this and become distant emotionally from me and generally speaking.
*He'll never forgive me
*He won't actually go to sleep and cry endlessly
My best friend Julie sent me an amazing facebook message that really helped me amidst night #5's trials. She said "...rest assured my friend, you are not breaking his spirit, or communicating that you won't be there for him. You are there for him all day, he is learning the discipline of bed time...no damage done. He will learn, but I know that doesn't decrease the pain you feel going through this!"
How wise she was in this. Those words have given me peace off and on since then. But today...OH today...it was bad. Let's just say there was crying off/on for 3 hours, no nap and a trashed room. I am emotionally spent! So much so that I'm going to have to finish this at a later time. I am finding it hard to concentrate, and really just need some sleep. Good Night.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)